eve stanway

divorce and break up coach

Empowering you to navigate the stormy seas of heartbreak, charting a course to a brighter future.

Dad with children in a white car

Finding Strength in Adversity: Darran's Journey Through Divorce

This case study illustrates the way divorce can be an incredibly challenging ordeal, due not only to legal battles but also to emotional turmoil and the strain of personal relationships. Darran’s story demonstrates the transformative power of divorce coaching during this process. He was immersed in a difficult divorce, with his ex-wife refusing to sign essential paperwork or make necessary financial disclosures. Moreover, her demands for more money, coupled with denying Darran access to his children, left him feeling hopeless, depressed, and isolated. He was receiving a constant barrage of texts whilst getting pressure from friends and family to take a firmer stand – which he worried would negatively impact his children—Darran found himself at his wit’s end.

The societal assumption that “as a man, it must be his fault” only added to his despair, making him feel misunderstood and contemplating giving up. At this point, he reached out to me, seeking guidance through the storm.

The Challenge: Navigating a Complex Divorce

Darran was caught in a net of emotional distress, legal complexities, and the heartbreaking absence of his children from his life. His ex-wife’s adamant stance, refusal to engage and controlling behaviour made it harder to find a resolution. Darran’s mental health was deteriorating, his professional life was suffering as he could not concentrate at work, and he was losing hope of ever reconnecting with his children. The advice to “be firmer” seemed counterproductive to him, fearing it would only antagonise his ex-wife and alienate his children further. He felt trapped in a cycle of despair with no clear path forward.

The Intervention: A Comprehensive Approach

Upon starting our work together, I asked Darran to tell me his entire story. This would be the last time he would tell his sad story, as from this point forward, we would follow a plan to seek clarity, take responsibility and get through Darran’s difficulties. Whatever the situation during a divorce, with guidance, it is always possible to find a way, we just needed to discover it using powerful coaching tools and techniques to change Darran’s perspective so a solution would be revealed.

There’s a popular saying that goes, “madness is doing the same thing and expecting different results.” As a coach, I aim to help people find new pathways to success. After taking a closer look at his case, I helped him find a more suitable lawyer who understood his specific circumstances. We also recognised that his ex was acting unreasonably and aggressively due to feeling threatened and out of control. Instead of responding in kind, we worked on structuring Darran’s communication in a way that was assertive but non-conflictual. By setting boundaries and reducing emotional triggers, we were able to reduce Darran’s stress and improve his situation.

We also worked with Darran’s workplace to provide them with context and support while he dealt with his divorce. Together, we crafted a strategy to address both the financial and legal aspects of his divorce while focusing on establishing a stable environment for Darran to rebuild his relationship with his children. Our plan aimed to resolve the immediate legal challenges while also healing the emotional wounds inflicted by the process.

The Transformation: Reclaiming Hope and Agency

Explaining my tailored coaching and strategic planning, Darran began to see a way out of the despair. By dialling down the emotional intensity of his interactions and setting clear, calm boundaries, he could change the dynamic with his ex-wife, moving the situation forward despite its inherent difficulties. This new approach empowered Darran to be able to engage in the divorce process more effectively, reducing the chaos and confusion that had previously overwhelmed him.

The Outcome: A Path to a New Beginning

Darran’s journey through divorce was immensely challenging, but with the right support and strategies, he was able to regain a sense of confidence and clarity which he had lost. The establishment of a more effective communication framework with his ex-wife, coupled with targeted legal and emotional support, meant he could take significant steps towards resolving the divorce. Most importantly, it opened the door to a future where he could be part of his children’s lives meaningfully, laying the groundwork to create a new home where regular visits could happen. Using my wider experience as a psychotherapist, I could help Darran understand the specific age-related needs of his children so he could support them, create positive new routines for them in his home, talk with them to understand their concerns and feelings, to help him be the parent the needed. We were also able to open a new dialogue with Darran’s family and friends, explaining the new approach to those who needed to know. Darran placed feeling lost and hopeless with feeling determined and calm. The people in his life witnessing these changes felt less anxious for Darran, and he started to feel their belief in him, which bolstered his own self-belief and self-worth.

Lessons Learned

– Support is Key: Holistic divorce coaching can provide the emotional and strategic support needed to navigate the complexities of divorce.

– Boundaries Bring Clarity: Establishing clear communication boundaries can significantly reduce stress and facilitate progress.

– Hope is Essential: Even in the most challenging situations, it is possible to find a path forward and reclaim hope with the right approach and support.

– Creating a plan, whatever the challenges, allows you to be curious about what can be done rather than descending into hopelessness and despair.

This Case Study of Darran’s story shows how it is possible to travel from hopelessness in a situation that seems irretrievable, to create a positive outcome from even the most difficult divorce. By making a firm plan to tackle both the legal and emotional aspects of his divorce, he was able to overcome his feelings of hopelessness and start anew. His story is a powerful reminder of how the right professional guidance and support can change the outcome even when all seems lost.

Testimonial from Darran

When I reached out to Eve, I was deeply struggling with my divorce, feeling lost and hopeless. Eve offered me the non-judgemental support and practical guidance I desperately needed. Her expertise in psychotherapy was invaluable, especially in understanding my children’s needs during this tough time. With Eve’s help, I learned how to communicate better with my kids, strengthening our bond despite the chaos.

Eve also helped me reconnect with my wider family, showing me the importance of these relationships and how to rebuild them. Their approach went beyond just navigating the divorce; it was about creating a foundation for a healthier future. I’m incredibly grateful for Eve’s support. She gave me the strength and perspective to navigate this difficult period, ensuring I could be there for my children and start rebuilding my life with hope. Thank you, Eve, for everything.”